Fearing the known... and unknown

     I had an appointment with a "new" PCP yesterday. I say "new" because I actually saw her years ago, but I'm getting reestablished with her now that I've moved back to the area. Of the many doctors I've seen in the last four years, she is hands down my favorite. Due to her family member having UC, she understands it better than many GI doctors I've met. It seems odd considering I've seen this doctor many times before for the exact same condition... but I was still extremely anxious. This is something many chronically ill people go through, even with a doctor they've seen previously. Will the doctor believe me this time? Will she listen to me? It's exhausting.

     Thankfully, she not only believed me and listened to me, she actually wanted to help. I've been blown off by so many doctors now that I'd be insulted if I still had any expectations otherwise. She referred me to a new GI (my sixth in four years, although one of them is still on my case as a specialist), and I feel good about it. I'm actually seeing him on Monday, so I feel like both parties are aware of the urgency of my situation.

     Unless the GI says otherwise, we're going to keep trying Remicade and methotrexate for a little longer. I have to admit, I was surprised when one of the first things out of my PCP's mouth was "Have you considered surgery yet?" I have, many times, but was constantly told that I didn't want surgery this young (who does?), or that I wasn't severe enough (by severe they mean, "you aren't actively bleeding to death, just sick all the time and having zero quality of life, so we're good.") It will be interesting to see what the GI says. I don't want to live like this anymore, and I've said it many times, but no one seemed to be listening until now.

     I'm a little anxious at the thought of surgery, but far more anxious about never having a life because of IBD. I'm hoping that the GI is willing to consider it and not just going to play the "you look fine, just keep taking 15-20 pills a day and suffering forever" game with me. I know I'm young, and I know that most twenty somethings aren't exactly eager to get surgery. I'm also not eager to never have a life due to this illness. I just want someone to understand that. Hopefully, this new GI will.